


From a Distance

by AnthemGlass



Series: Distances [1]
Category: The Eagle | Eagle of the Ninth (2011)
Genre: Based on Fanvid, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-19
Updated: 2012-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-02 05:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnthemGlass/pseuds/AnthemGlass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the fan video by youtube user bachaboska1.  Esca is a prostitute in the unforgiving city of New York.  A chance encounter with a beautiful and kind man by the name of Marcus helps Esca put his life back together.  Reference to underage prostitution and one scene of non-consensual rape (of age).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Watching

**Author's Note:**

  * For [univeted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/univeted/gifts).



> Univeted inspired me to get my ass in gear and write this one. I had ideas, I just hadn't put them down. I have these pills I take to focus (they're legal... no worries). I don't normally take them when I don't have classes or music to write, but yesterday I was feeling productive so I took them early in the morning and wrote pretty much all day. This entire fic was written in about 24 hours. So I apologize for any crazy errors, when on these pills my mind tends to race faster than my hands. Lol.

_I miss them sometimes… my family, but it’s easier just to focus on the weather._

The rain poured down.  So much for escaping that fucking shit, Esca laughed to himself.  His father had promised, he’d fucking promised that when they moved to America, that they’d leave British weather behind them.

Esca shivered harder than he’d liked to admit.  Deciding it’d be best he took shelter in a small coffee shop that was still open this late at night.  The New York Minute was one of Esca’s usual spots.  He knew that he’d have to make a purchase if he wanted to stay for much longer.  Reaching into his pocket he grabbed for some money only to find he was grabbing only the fabric of his thin jacket.

“Fuck,” he whispered head hung with shame.

“Hey you,” a soft, squirrelly voice interrupted his self-deprecation.  It was Jolie, one of the coffee shop’s late night employees.  She was sneakily scooting a paper cup with _New York Minute_ emblazoned on it.  Esca nodded thanks as he grabbed the cup. 

He sipped the hot drink not caring in the least what it was.  It was warm and that was all that mattered.

Esca turned to retreat to his normal spot in the furthest corner of the shop.  He liked it because one had to be looking for that specific corner to see it.  However as he reached the small wooden chair and table he noticed someone was already occupying the area.

_Fuck._

“Hey, I was hoping I’d see you here,” the heavyset man in the brown coat said smiling.  “How are you doing?”

“What do you want?”  Esca asked.  He didn’t care about the man’s feelings or about the fact that it seemed the man was getting attached.  They’d fucked twice… that’s it.

“Thirty?  Thirty-five?  Thirty-five minutes?”  He was British, which Esca couldn’t help but laugh at.  The two of them somehow found each other in New York.  At least his dick was small.

Esca turned and began to walk out, the heavyset man following like a hungry dog.  It was going to be a long night.

 

*~*~*

 

The sun shone so bright on the other side of his eyelids.  But he was just so fucking tired it really didn’t seem to matter that much.  Marcus had won last night.  That mattered.

It had been his last fight.  He’d said that before, but this time it was true.  It was time to settle down and really get a hold on what he wanted to do with his life.

He’d never considered his purpose, why he was here.  He couldn’t help but wonder if that was why he just kept fighting, because the idea of there being a reason for his existence seemed so preposterous. 

Marcus shivered.  It was cold out and the layers he had on seemed to be doing little to counter that.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps he shivered because of some other reason. 

Marcus opened his eyes, briefly blinded by the onslaught of sunlight.  Once he’d adjusted to open eyes he quickly glanced around his surroundings.  There was the usual smattering of people in the park walking around, talking, laughing, being happy.

Then there was someone else.  Diagonally across from him on another bench sat a teenager, he couldn’t be over seventeen and he was staring.  Staring at Marcus.  When their eyes met the teenager looked away abruptly standing and walking deeper into the park.

  “Whatever,” Marcus said hoisting himself up from the bench.  Every muscle and joint in his body seemed to crack and ache as he moved.  No more napping on benches he thought to himself as he made his way home.

 

*~*~*

 

To some the cold concrete that were the tops of these New York buildings would be cold and uninviting.  Esca, however, saw them as home.  In this particular section of the city, the rooftops were uninhabited and uninspected which made for privacy and at least a small measure of security. 

Esca had fastened a large blue tarp over solid pieces of wood and the edge of the building’s largest metal vent.  The crude structure at least partially sheltered him from the elements.  The idea that this alcove was made by him for him seemed to be what mattered.

Esca tugged on his tattered backpack.  It contained a few bills, a change of clothes, and a granola bar.  He’d go out tonight looking for some work.  Maybe he’d try to find the Brit again.  Not likely, Esca had the sneaking suspicion the fucker was married and only got his rocks off when he could get away with it.

It was still early in the evening when Esca saw him.  The man from earlier.  The man in the park.

So big and beautiful, he was a giant and seemingly made entirely of muscle.  Esca couldn’t remember ever seeing a man like him before, so strong and imposing in body, but with a battered and bruised face that seemed so soft and kind.

Esca backed up a little as he continued to stare.  He didn’t want to get caught again.  Despite the man’s seemingly kind face, Esca couldn’t help but wonder that if the man caught him, perhaps he’d get angry or violent.  Esca couldn’t afford a mistake like that. 

While backing up he ran into something behind him.  Silently he whirled around to face him.  It was the High Roller.

“Watch it,” High Roller sneered.

“Sorry,” Esca mumbled.

“You free?”  High Roller didn’t seem to actually be asking, more like demanding Esca free himself up for the bastard.

“Yes.”

“Good,” High Roller grunted.  “Come on then.”

When High Roller was finished with him, Esca laid for a minute, naked and cold on the hardwood floor.  If he ever had a house to himself he’d never have hardwood floors.  He banged his head against it a few times; perhaps to clear his mind, perhaps just because. 

Esca did a lot of things that didn’t make any sort of sense.  Not to him, not to those around him, not even to the doctors his father had hired.  He didn’t know why, no one did, but this was one of those things.  If he were with the Brit, the guy would try and stop him from hurting himself.  His worried voice trying to be gentle and kind, but really coming off as more nervous than anything else.  Like it would be a huge inconvenience if Esca died while they were fucking.

High Roller could care less.  It was as if the dull thumping were simply his downstairs neighbor.  He approached fucking Esca much the same way, with no concern for Esca or his body.  Esca hated High Roller, but he needed the money, bad.

“Get out,” High Roller said without looking at Esca.

Esca silently lifted himself up and began dressing quickly.  He knew if he lingered or took too long, his pay would begin to dwindle.  Once at the door Esca waited for the money.

High Roller silently tossed two fifties to Esca’s feet and slammed the door.  Fucker.

 

*~*~*

 

“What you need to do is find your purpose.”

“My purpose?”  Marcus raised an eyebrow.  “Like a hobby?”

Cottia sighed, “No you idiot.  You need to find that reason why you’re on this planet.”

“What if there is no reason?  Or what if I’m here just to fight?”  Marcus shrugged.

Cottia frowned placing a soft hand on the side of his bruised face.  “I just don’t believe either of those to be true.”

“I just…  I just don’t really see me finding a purpose.  Hell, I didn’t even finish high school.”

“Marcus, that doesn’t mean anything,” Cottia pulled away and began organizing Marcus’s things.  He didn’t own a lot, but pretty much everything he did own was haphazardly strewn about his apartment.

“That’s easy for you to say, Ms. Masters Degree,” Marcus flashed that smile.

“You heard?”

“Of course I heard, congratulations!”  Marcus said pulling her into a deep hug.  She was much smaller and was almost swallowed by his arms.

“Get off of me!” She laughed.

Marcus squeezed her tighter before lifting her off the ground.  She gave a squeak before a fit of giggles overcame her.

Placing her back down Marcus’s smile faded slightly as he continued to think about what she had said.

“Of course now that practice has got to hire me,” Cottia said returning to picking up his things.

“You’re going to be the best psycho-therapist ever!”  Marcus joked.

“Oh god, you’re the worst,” she laughed not bothering to correct him.  “I’ve got to go.  I’ve got a hot date tonight with a shitload of work applications.”

“Sounds like a blast,” Marcus mumbled.

“I’m serious about what I said.  I honestly believe you have a purpose and it is out there somewhere.  You just got to know where to look.”

“Thanks Cottia,” Marcus nodded.  “You’ll be the first to know when I find it.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Cottia smiled as she opened his front door and let herself out.

“Fucking purpose,” Marcus scoffed under his breath.  “Yeah right.”

 

*~*~*

 

The third time Esca saw the Giant he was on his home base rooftop.  The usual symphony of the street rumbled beneath him as people busily made their way to and from work.  Esca chanced a peek at the crowds of people only to see a rustling near the hotdog stand Esca frequented.  Two men were fighting, really going at it.  It only took a brief moment for Esca to recognize that one of those men was the Giant.

He leaned over the edge of the building, desperate for a closer look.  No doubt now, Esca immediately sprinted to the fire escape and began to climb down without deft feet searching for ladder rungs blindly.  Esca was a dog with a car, he couldn’t know what he’d do if he actually got to the Giant, all he knew was that he had to get closer.

By the time he got to ground level he saw the fight was breaking up and the Giant was already running down into the subway.  Esca bounded through the crowds of people, which was easy due to his smaller, skinnier build.  Once at the stairs of the subway he saw the Giant turn a corner at the bottom and disappear. 

  Esca took a deep breath, wondering if he should follow him.  He’d already lost him.  The way the Giant went would be nearly impossible for Esca to follow.  Esca shrugged in defeat and began walking on the street.  He made his way to the New York Minute. 

Peaking in he saw that Jolie was not serving.  He didn’t need the shelter or the coffee so in order to save his money and resources Esca did not enter the store.  As he continued to walk along the sidewalk he noticed him on the other side of the road.  It was the Giant.

Dressed in the same tattered jean jacket, walking with that strange, almost limp.  Esca picked up his own walking speed to keep up with the Giant who was walking quickly. 

Esca was not far from his rooftop home, either the Giant had only taken the train for one stop, or he hadn’t actually gotten on a train.  It was much more likely he’d just resurfaced on the other side of that station, probably to get away from the hubbub of the fight.

Esca hoped he was inconspicuous enough.  He was still frightened of being caught.  However his fright had morphed into an adrenaline, the thrill of watching the Giant.  It was exciting.

The Giant looked angry, he walked with determination, not seeming to notice anybody or anything around him.  Esca on the other hand was desperately avoiding oncoming foot traffic as he tried to keeps his eyes trained on the Giant. 

The Giant skipped up for steps in two leaps and opened the door to a ratty apartment building.  Esca stopped and stepped back to watch the windows, praying he could see the Giant.  Sure enough, a few moments later he saw movement in the fourth floor window.  At this angle Esca couldn’t tell if it was in fact the Giant.

Immediately Esca scanned the surrounding buildings.  The building directly behind him, across from the Giant’s apartment, was only three stories.  Esca disappeared down an alley and quickly made his way up the fire escape.  Most buildings in this section of the city were built in similar fashions.  The roof of this building however, was much less comfortable.  There were actual shingles and the back half actually sloped up in a reverse V shape making it impossible for Esca to comfortably camp out.  Grabbing onto the large, brick chimney formation, Esca braced himself and stared at the window in question.

There he was, the Giant.  With an angry expression distorting his soft face he seemed annoyed as he threw stuff around his apartment looking for something particular.  Even angry his features took Esca’s breath away.  He found whatever it was he’d been looking for.  From this distance and angle Esca couldn’t make it out, but he disappeared into his bathroom.

He didn’t close his bathroom door, but from Esca’s angle he couldn’t see into it.  That was probably a good thing, but Esca sighed in defeat at not being able to see the man shower.

Esca felt his stomach grumble with hunger.  He fumbled with his pack, his hand searching blindly for the granola bar.  This would hold him over until tomorrow most likely.

Esca lodged himself into a tight crevasse created by the contrasting architectural shapes and began to munch on the bar as he continued to stare at the Giant’s window.

 

*~*~*

 

“ _Fix me dinner!  I’ll be over in a sec!_ ”  Cottia cheered on the other side of the phone.

“What?  Why?”  Marcus scoffed, she’d just been over the other day.  Whenever she came over she organized his stuff and he could never find anything the next day, which had just happened with his cream for his sore, aching muscles.

“ _I’ve got great news!_ ” 

Fantastic, more great news.  She was banging on his door in less than ten minutes.  He begrudgingly opened it as she swooped in. 

“You have a job interview!”

“What?”  Marcus sighed.

“I talked to the guys at my school and they’re looking for a janitor,” she held up a hand shushing Marcus before he could complain.  “It’s a job with a surprising amount of opportunities for promotion.  You can run the janitorial staff after a while, then all the staff.”  Cottia placed a hand on Marcus’s shoulder.  “Please, take the interview.  For me.”

“Okay,” Marcus sighed.  “When is it?”

“Next week,” she cheered in delight.  “Now what are we eating?”

 

*~*~*

 

She was very pretty.  Esca had never been inclined to girls, but this particular girl was very pretty.  The Giant and the Pretty Girl sat at the dinner table together eating the food Esca had just watched the Giant attempt to make.  It was pretty clear the man was lost in the kitchen, but it seemed the Pretty Girl just ate the food anyways.  It probably tasted like shit.

The Giant seemed happy that she was there, but he didn’t seem as happy as she did.  Esca could tell, with just the silent images of their interaction, that she was in love with him.  Her longing looks, huge smiles, and the way she touched him at every chance.  She loved him. 

Esca couldn’t grasp if the Giant loved her back.  Neither had rings, neither did anything other than talk.  No kissing, nothing to show anything definitive.  Esca sighed in defeat.  Even if he didn’t love her, Esca had to remind himself that the Giant would never love him either.


	2. Hero

_I don’t wish for a different life, it makes it easier to live the one I’m trapped in._

 

Esca had found a new perch, a new vantage point to watch the Giant.  It had been two days since he’d followed him home.  There was a building with an abandoned top floor.  Esca had set up a new home in it.  The nicest thing was that it was on the way that the Giant took when walking home from wherever he got those bruises.

Esca could use the binoculars he’d found yesterday and through a broken window watch as the Giant made his way home.  He’d walk along and disappear around the corner.  It was there he’d enter his apartment.  Esca hadn’t gone to the other perch, the one where he could see into the Giant’s room.  That had left him so surprisingly sad and lonely the last time, he was afraid of it.

His thoughts were interrupted as he spotted the Giant making his way home.  Esca zeroed in on the man as he continued to walk.  The Giant looked around for a moment as he walked then for the briefest second he looked up.  Esca froze in fear.  He looked straight at him.  There was no way he could see him, was there?

Esca ducked behind the window and took three deep breaths.  Had he been discovered?  He didn’t know what he’d do without being able to watch the Giant.  At this point he was all Esca ever thought about.

Esca counted to ten, slowly then with care eased just his eyes above the window’s ledge and looked down to the street.  The Giant was just rounding the corner and he disappeared.  He’d continued one.  Esca breathed a sigh of relief before heading back to his pack, which he’d placed on the chair, the lone piece of furniture in this abandoned floor.

Esca searched for something to eat.  Nothing.  Then he searched for some money… again nothing.

Fuck.  He’d have to get something in him, he was beginning to get a little dizzy.  He wondered briefly if he could get Jolie to give him a scone or something, but then thought it’d be best not to test her generosity.

Esca made his way to the New York Minute anyways as it was surprisingly close to the Giant’s apartment.  Perhaps the Brit would be there. 

Esca sighed defeated.  No Brit, but High Roller was there and waiting.  Esca walked up to him, head hung low.

“Let’s go,” High Roller grunted.  At least he’d make better money tonight… but it’d hurt more.

Esca hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t moved.  “I said LET’S GO!”  High Roller said grasping Esca’s arm tight.  Esca gasped with pain as High Roller seemed much angrier tonight than usual.  Instantly fear began to pulse through his veins.  If High Roller was this angry, everything would hurt more tonight.  Instantly Esca was afraid for his life.  What if he got too violent?

Esca wanted to get away as fast as possible.  He didn’t want to be alone with High Roller.  He was so scared, his heart rate raced.  Esca struggled to get free, but High Roller’s grasp was strong and demanding.  He yanked him along and Esca stumbled forward with High Roller.

“Come on fucker!”  High Roller grunted, Esca had hoped that putting up a fight might have deterred the man.  He usually didn’t try too hard for anything. 

“No,” Esca managed weakly.  It was doubtful High Roller heard and even less likely he cared.

The rest happened so fast, Esca hadn’t noticed anything else around him.  He hadn’t hoped anybody would care, as that would be useless.  It was New York, no one paid attention to anything but themselves. 

But someone saw and acted, because a fist flew threw the air and landed squarely on High Roller’s manicured face.  There may have been a spray of blood, however Esca thought that perhaps he’d just imagined it. 

Freed from High Roller’s grasp Esca darted to the wall and watched as the High Roller scrambled to his feet.  “Fucker!”  He spat.  “Have the little shit, see if I care.”

Adjusting his overly expensive suit, High Roller walked briskly away, almost running.  That was when Esca finally took a chance and looked at his savior.  It was the Giant.  Had Esca been the High Roller he wouldn’t have just walked away, he would have run.  That soft face was replaced with an anger and rage that struck fear into Esca’s stomach, causing it to flip. 

“Are you okay?”  The Giant’s voice was deep and lacked much caring, but still seemed genuine.

Esca could only stare.  It was difficult for him to speak.  To some speaking was a normal part of everyday life.  Esca hardly ever spoke, and like any muscle it needed to be practiced in order to work.  Esca just stared blankly not moving.

“You okay man?”  The Giant took a step closer to Esca he sounded less angry as he cooled off.  Esca flinched at the movement.  It was too much.  He was too scared.  He took off as fast as he could.

He didn’t look back for fear of the Giant following him.  Had Esca been thinking more clearly he wouldn’t have run straight back to the abandoned floor, however once there he scoped out from his perch and saw that the Giant was not there.  He was safe for now.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus had run after the teenager.  He didn’t want to think about what that fucker in the suit was going to do to him.  He was glad he’d landed that single satisfying punch. 

Once he’d turned the corner he saw the teenager running into that building.  It was the same building Marcus had felt was staring at him the past two days.  When he’d looked up earlier he saw someone in the window watching him, but that someone had disappeared too fast for him to get a good look.

In a city like New York it was rare to run into the same person twice.  Marcus had run into this guy far too many times for it to be a coincidence.  First he’d seen him in the park, staring.  Then he’d noticed him across the street from him as he’d walked home from beating up that asshole that’d broken Cottia’s heart.  He’d been staring then too. 

Now this kid was watching him from that building.  He wondered how long he’d been doing that.  Realistically the idea of being stalked should have freaked Marcus out.  However he just kind of laughed it off.  In the end it was kind of flattering.

Marcus knew he was gay.  He’d been that way his whole life.  In high school he’d acted out.  Fought with teachers, fought with his uncle, fought with everyone.  That’s how he’d gotten kicked out.  Everyone blamed it on his dead parents.

Then he got paid to fight.  It was perfect.  The Marines let him be exactly who he wanted to be.  He could be alone and yet still be around people.  He could fight and release that rage.  If only he hadn’t been shot.  So fucking stupid.  He could still fight, it didn’t matter he’d been shot, but it did to them.

That’s how he’d gotten lost again.  If it weren’t for Cottia, Marcus would likely be dead in a ditch.  Cottia had been there in high school, the unlikely friend of the friendless.  Neither had been particularly popular.  Marcus the violent, angry teenager and Cottia the overweight loner.  Now she had dropped the pounds and was more beautiful than anyone Marcus would have graduated with.  That made Marcus smile.

Marcus had never really acted on his homosexuality.  He’d fucked, sure, but he’d never really liked anybody.  Never really felt anything deeper than mere attraction.  He’d certainly never loved.

That’s why this teenager was so strange to him.  The kid was too young, or at least looked it, which honestly freaked Marcus out, but he couldn’t help but admit that he was deeply attracted to him.  His features were so strikingly beautiful and Marcus was beginning to imagine what the rest of the boy’s body looked like.  Marcus felt so uncomfortable.

The kid wasn’t even his type… not in any way.  The guys Marcus had fucked were all big, muscular, like him.  He didn’t go for really short guys (anything below 5’10 was short for Marcus), he didn’t go for skinny, and he didn’t go for younger looking… Everything this mystery guy was.

Marcus decided as he bounded up his steps to his apartment, that it had just been too long since he’d had a good fuck.  Maybe he’d call up one of his old fuck buddies and release some tension.  That sounded like a plan.  He was just too tired to do it tonight.

 

*~*~*

 

Esca had been sitting on the cold floor of his new home.  Silently weeping.  What had happened?  He remembered being afraid of High Roller.  He remembered the punch.  He remembered the Giant who’d saved him.  He just couldn’t remember what had possessed him to run.  The Giant had been so nice, so kind, so sweet and yet so terrifying.  Why had he run?

Esca slammed his head against the wall he’d leaned his back against.  It hurt but somehow Esca managed not to feel it. 

It had been almost twenty-four hours since then and Esca still hadn’t slept.  That wasn’t entirely unusual for Esca.  He rarely slept any normal hours because it was like eating.  He only did it when he absolutely needed to.

His stomach grumbled loudly.  He still hadn’t eaten, all the excitement had allowed him to forget his hunger.  However now it was back and worse than ever.  Esca ventured a peek with his binoculars at the street below.  He was afraid High Roller would be waiting.  Not that he knew where Esca lived.

A pair of familiar eyes was trained on Esca’s window.  He froze but managed not to duck beneath the window.  He just lowered the binoculars and stared back.  It was the Giant.  Standing in a nicer black jacket with an old gym bag slung over his shoulder.  He was staring with a knowing smirk pasted on his smug face.  He’d caught Esca.

Esca felt his heart race and his stomach lurch in fear… or maybe still hunger.  No matter what it was he knew he’d have to go down the stairs and it seemed he was going to have to face the Giant again.  After a full day of wondering why he hadn’t talked to the man, now he was getting a second chance at some sort of interaction.

Esca slowly ducked out of the window and made his way down to the street.  He took a deep breath before opening the door.  When he stepped out he hoped that maybe the Giant had moved on.  No such luck, wearing an even prouder smile he stood waiting for Esca.

“I was just walking by, the past two hours, hoping you’d show up,” the Giant smirked again.  Damn him.

Esca flushed with embarrassment.  The Giant had caught him, trapped him and forced him to admit his schedule of staring and stalking.

The Giant began to walk away, not his normal brisk limp, but more of a smug stroll.  With a brief glance back at Esca, he said everything he needed to.  Esca would follow him, no doubt.

Esca knew where they were going.  It was the Giant’s apartment.  The Giant took each step as he approached the door to his building.  It was the first time Esca had ever seen him do that. 

The Giant chanced another look back, seemingly relieved that Esca had followed him.  Esca took a deep breath before stepping up the stairs and following him into the apartment.

 

*~*~*

 

Standing awkwardly in the silent apartment Marcus was at a loss for what to do next.  He’d intended to call up an old fuck, but for some reason he’d ended up waiting for his stalker for over two hours.  His heart had leapt when he finally saw him and it began to race as they’d made their way back to his place. 

In the silence, the kid’s stomach grumbled loudly.  Marcus raised a surprised eyebrow, “Shit!  Are you hungry man?”

The kid flushed a deep scarlet, obviously his stomach had betrayed him and he was ashamed of his hunger.  Marcus grabbed some sandwich makings and began preparing a sandwich for the kid.

He threw the finished sandwich on a place with a large helping of potato chips, it may not be the healthiest meal, but at least the kid was going to eat.  He wondered how long it’d been since he last ate something significant.

Sitting at the table the kid devoured the food.  It almost seemed like he thought at any minute Marcus would take the food away from him.  Marcus stared in disbelief as he ate faster than anybody Marcus had ever seen.  “Careful dude, you’re going to choke on a chip.”

The kid eased up a bit but still ate with fervor.  “What’s your name?”  Marcus asked, perhaps a little conversation would slow him down.

The kid stopped for a moment and stared at Marcus.  He quickly grabbed the last handful of chips on the plate and shoved them in his mouth, chewing without a care for manners.  Not that Marcus cared at all. 

The kid gulped the glass of water, washing the meal down.  He placed the empty glass back on the table and then looked around the room nervously. 

“Can you hear me?”  Marcus asked realizing that the kid could be deaf or something like that.

The kid nodded slowly.

Okay.  Not that.  “Can you speak?”  Marcus clarified.

“Yes,” the kid replied in a hushed whisper.

“Okay cool,” Marcus smiled for the small victory.  “I’m Marcus.”  He held out a hand for a shake.  It seemed an odd thing to do, but for some reason it worked.  The kid timidly reached out to return the shake.  He seemed afraid that at any moment Marcus might decide to hit him.  Perhaps that wasn’t such a crazy notion as the combination of Marcus’s beat up face and the way he attacked that asshole were the only things the kid could use for judgment.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Marcus said.

“I know,” the kid replied, a little surer now.

“What’s your name?”  Marcus tried again.  “If you don’t tell me one I’ll just have to make one up.”

The kid smiled at that.

“Allan?”  Marcus said then shook his head.  “No you’re more of a Jamie.”

The kid smiled again shaking his head.  “You won’t guess it.”

“Then tell me.”

The kid cocked his head in thought then something seemed to click, maybe he just decided to trust Marcus and he said, “Esca.”

“Esca,” Marcus repeated nodding.  “I like that.”

Esca shrugged. 

“How old are you, Esca?”  Marcus asked, afraid of the answer.

“What’s today?”  Esca asked as if calculating.  Marcus grabbed his newspaper and showed Esca.  “I’m seventeen.”

Marcus felt his stomach drop.  Exactly what he was afraid of the kid was underage.  Now Marcus felt like a creepy pedophile.

“But I turn eighteen tomorrow…” Esca said.  Then as if realizing it for the first time he said, “Shit.  My birthday’s tomorrow.”

“Got any crazy plans?”  Marcus laughed.

Esca shook his head before he dropped his gaze to the table and stared.  Marcus was afraid he was losing him.  He liked it when Esca spoke and he wanted to keep the conversation going. 

“What about your parents?”  Marcus asked.

Esca just shook his head again.

“Do you live in that building?  The one I saw you in,” Marcus asked wishing Esca would raise his head and return his gaze again.

Esca nodded slowly.

“Esca,” Marcus said softly.  Esca raised his gaze to meet Marcus’s eyes.  They stared for a moment before Marcus finished his thought, “Will you stay here, with me tonight?”

Esca looked like he was about to bolt, then as if accepting it he nodded. 

“Here you’ll sleep in my bed,” Marcus said showing Esca his room.  Esca nodded and stood in the room.  “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Esca managed.

Marcus went to go grab a towel for Esca in case he wanted a shower.  He dropped it as he made his way back and leaned down upon getting back up he saw that Esca had stripped out of all of his clothes.  Standing completely naked in front of Marcus, Marcus did a double take before looking away as fast as he could.

“Woah!”  Marcus laughed.  “Sorry, you know there’s a door to my room right?”

When he chanced a look back Esca had approached him, still naked and was reaching out to touch him.  Marcus’s breath hitched as he shied away.  “What are you doing?”

Esca seemed confused as if to say, isn’t it obvious.  “I thought this is what you wanted.”

“What?”

“Food and a place to stay, I thought that was payment for…” Esca left the obvious unsaid.  As if he himself didn’t want to admit he had sex with men for money.

“Oh god!”  Marcus flushed even redder.  “No, no!”

Esca seemed taken aback by Marcus’s reaction.  Then he flushed with embarrassment, now ashamed of his state of undress. 

“No, Esca,” Marcus sighed putting the towel around him.  “I’m not… I don’t…” he couldn’t find the words.  He had already assumed that Esca might be a prostitute.  He had thought that the ass in the suit had been a John.

“Please Esca, put some clothes on,” Marcus said moving his gaze to the wall as Esca made his way back into the bedroom and slid back into his boxers and his jeans.

“I’ll just go,” Esca said as he made his way to the door. 

Marcus jumped and headed him off, placing his own substantial body in front of the door.  “No please, stay.”

“Let me go,” Esca breathed as he pulled his shirt and jacket on.

“Esca, I’m not going to make you stay, but please stay,” Marcus felt strange begging Esca to stay.  He didn’t want to force him into anything, that way he wouldn’t be any better than the asshole.

“Let me go,” Esca growled much more forcefully this time.  Marcus sighed in defeat as he moved out of the way.  Esca threw open the door and bounded out of the apartment.  Marcus watched from the window as Esca headed back in the direction of the abandoned building.  So this is what it felt like to watch.


	3. Presents

_When my Mum died I didn’t want to be around anyone… I sort of retreated and just watched people from a distance._

 

Standing outside Esca took a breath of fresh air.  He felt his chest constricting from the run from Marcus’s door to the front of the abandoned building.  Esca hadn’t gone in yet because he felt the familiar churning in his stomach.  He’d eaten too fast, that combined with the fear and the running made him feel quite sick.  Before he could stop himself he began to throw up.

Coughing and sputtering, Esca tried to catch his breath.  He frowned pitifully, he had been so hungry and the meal had been so filling, he was sad to see it go.  How pathetic, he couldn’t help but feel totally sorry for losing his dinner.

He wished he could have understood Marcus, understood what he wanted, but the fact that he couldn’t read Marcus scared him.  Had Marcus wanted sex Esca would have been fine.  He was used to that, hell, he might have even enjoyed sex with Marcus.  The man was fucking beautiful.

But Marcus was a mystery.  He seemed to want to take care of Esca and that did not sit well with him.  Too many people had tried to take care of him.  His father had thought he could, then he gave him over to the psychiatrist, but she was useless too.  They all thought they knew what Esca needed, but they were all fucking clueless.

Why’d Marcus have to go and fuck it up?  They could have had some great sex, maybe Esca would have gotten a tip and they’d be on their way.  That was so easy.  Marcus had to make it confusing.  Had to muddle it all up.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus couldn’t sleep.  He kept thinking about Esca in the cold evening.  Maybe he was shivering.  God, it was painful to think of, and Marcus couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault.  Like he had done something to cause Esca to freak out. 

Of course he had, he’d tried to make Esca sleep in his bed and then turned him down when he offered sex.  He couldn’t go and have sex with a seventeen year old… but of course now that it was past midnight, Esca was officially of age, officially eighteen.

Marcus still didn’t want to use him for sex.  The thought of sex with Esca excited him, he could feel himself hardening as he remembered Esca’s body, surprisingly muscular in that lean muscle way.  He was so beautiful.

But the thoughts always became interrupted when he thought about how much help Esca needed.  Not only was he obviously homeless and seemingly without a family, he had some other problems.  Problems that Marcus could not even begin to know what to do about.

He wanted to help so badly, but if Esca wouldn’t accept his help, there was nothing he could do.  As if the train of thought flushed it out Marcus laughed as he realized what he could do.  Sure this would make him a total asshole, but he knew it was going to work.

 

*~*~*

 

Esca wanted to find somebody else to watch.  Another person to take his mind off of Marcus.  Perhaps he’d go try and find the Brit.  Maybe High Roller would take him back if he begged.

No matter what Esca thought or believed, his body knew the truth, it would not be that easy to get over Marcus.  Instead he found himself in his usual perch in the abandoned floor waiting to see Marcus coming home.

Sure enough Marcus rounded the corner like usual.  Except it was not like usual.  Marcus was limping… limping badly.  He grunt and yelped in pain collapsing on the sidewalk.  No one around seemed to take any notice.

Esca felt his heart race with worry as he dropped the binoculars without a single thought and bounded out of the abandoned floor, leaving behind his backpack.

Esca took three stairs at a time making his way to the street.  Once there he found Marcus bleary-eyed lying against a brick wall.  “Marcus?”

“Esca?”  Marcus replied weakly. 

Esca wrapped an arm around Marcus’s body and helped lift him off the ground.  Marcus was extraordinarily heavy, but he and Esca together were able to walk him back to his apartment.  Esca was silent as the made their way slowly up the stairs.  He wanted to know what had happened, but didn’t know how to ask.

At the door Marcus nodded to his pocket and Esca fished for his keys.  Finding them he unlocked the door and helped Marcus in.  Esca led him to the couch and eased him down.

“Are you okay?”  Esca finally asked.

“Water,” Marcus gasped. 

Esca nodded and headed into the kitchen.  He froze the minute he stepped into it.  The wood table was draped with a plastic tablecloth with colorful balloons all over it.  On the cloth was a small white birthday cake with red trimmed icing and two lone, unlit candles.  Next to the cake were a small stack of red solo cups and a two-liter bottle of Coca-Cola, which in fact was Esca’s favorite.

Esca turned back to look at Marcus, but he was no longer on the couch, he was smiling, standing right behind Esca. 

“Happy birthday, Esca,” Marcus smiled even wider.

“You tricked me,” Esca replied with wonder.

Marcus turned red, frowning a bit, “I know.  I’m sorry.”

Esca could not figure out how he felt about that.  It had been three years since he’d had a birthday cake.  Hell he’d missed his last birthday simply because he didn’t know the date.  If it weren’t for Marcus, the same thing would have probably happened again.

Esca was afraid to take a step forward, as if entering the kitchen any further would confine him to the space.  The cake was so inviting.  Since throwing up the night before he hadn’t eaten and he’d quickly become hungry again.

“Don’t make me celebrate alone,” Marcus said easing past Esca and opening up the cola.  He poured to cup of soda and held one out for Esca.

Esca took the cup, accepting that this was going to happen.  Marcus’s apartment, though sparsely decorated, was surprisingly warm and inviting.  Esca had felt it the first time he’d been there.  Now with the cake and soda it felt even happier.  That scared Esca the most.

Marcus cut a piece of cake.  “I didn’t make it.  I hope you like vanilla.”

Esca nodded accepting the piece of cake Marcus had plopped onto the small red plate with similar looking balloons that were on the tablecloth.  Marcus had really gone all out for this.

Esca took a bite of cake, reminding himself with each chew to eat slower so he wouldn’t puke later.  Of course having a meal consisting of cake and coke was probably not a great way to prevent that, but Marcus hadn’t seemed to have thought that through.  Marcus cut himself a piece and began to eat it, a smile breaking across his face the minute he began to savor the sweet treat.

“I fucking love cake,” he said with his mouth full. 

Esca laughed out loud.  It’d been a while since he’d really laughed.

“You have a great laugh,” Marcus said almost bashful.

Esca’s face flared red and he trained his eyes back down to his cake halting his laughter.  He felt a soft touch on his chin.  Marcus used his fingers to sweetly guide Esca’s gaze back up to meet with his.  Marcus stared into his eyes, his hand still touching Esca’s face.

Esca waited for what seemed to be an eternity.  He was surprised he hadn’t flinched away from Marcus’s touch, but it was so gentle it didn’t seem to frighten him.  Plus the soft expression of Marcus’s face was so kind Esca couldn’t help but let down all of his defenses.

Marcus leaned down slowly.  Esca felt his breath hitch as he awaited the kiss.  None of the Johns ever kissed him.  He wouldn’t allow it, but none of them ever wanted to anyway.  Because of the Esca had never had a right kiss.  This was it.  This was that moment.  That first kiss.

Marcus placed his lips gently on Esca’s forehead and gave a soft, chaste peck.  “Happy birthday,” he whispered hoarsely into Esca’s skin.

Esca melt with both happiness and disappointment.  So it wasn’t his first kiss, it was just Marcus being sweet.  Esca felt his shoulders slump and his posture fall a bit, but he couldn’t help but feel a little happy and relieved.  Relieved because he didn’t have to kiss Marcus and therefor Marcus wouldn’t notice how little Esca knows of kissing.  Happy because it was just so wonderful being with Marcus and celebrating his birthday with someone he felt himself beginning to care about.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus was glad the birthday trick worked.  He’d felt like an ass when Esca had helped him back to his apartment.  The kid had some surprising strength and did a good job of displacing a lot of Marcus’s weight.  Good to know for those times when Marcus really would need it.  Hopefully Esca would be there for him.

After they had finished their cake the two sat down on the couch, both seemingly content in silence.  It was surprising when Esca broke the silence, “How old are you?”

Marcus stared for a bit before answering.  He was a little nervous that if Esca knew his age he’d get grossed out or think Marcus was a pervert.

“I’m twenty-nine,” Marcus said truthfully. 

“Okay,” Esca said, his blank expression unreadable.  They returned to the contented silence for a few more minutes.

“Esca,” Marcus swallowed.  “I’m going to offer again, please don’t freak out.”

Esca looked like he already was freaking out.

“You can stay the night,” Marcus quickly added, “No strings attached!”

After a moment of consideration Esca nodded. 

“You’ll stay?”

Esca nodded again, his expression saying _didn’t I just say that?_

“Great!”  Marcus smiled wide. 

The talk of sleeping over plus their full bellies seemed to make both of them pretty tired early.  Marcus yawned loudly.  Esca laughed but stopped when he remembered Marcus mentioning his laugh.

“Here,” Marcus said guiding him out of the couch and into the bedroom.  “Go to sleep.  You’ll be safe here,” Marcus nodded to the bed before adding, “and more importantly warm.”

 

*~*~*

 

Esca was grateful for Marcus’s kindness.  He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the bed.  Holy fucking crap the bed was comfortable.  As far as beds went Marcus’s was probably not very comfortable, but neither of Esca’s regulars ever did anything with him in a bed.  Esca could not honestly remember when he’d last been in one.  It had been at least a year.

Before his two regulars, Esca had been around with a bunch of different men, some preferred to do the deed in the bed, but since then Esca hadn’t even touched one.

Esca sighed content.  However his calmness faded as he saw Marcus leaving the room.  “Where you going?”

“You’ll sleep here tonight,” Marcus clarified.  “I’ll take the couch.”

Esca cocked his head.  The bed was plenty big enough for the two of them.  “There’s room,” Esca said scooting his body closer to the edge in an attempt to convince Marcus.

“It’s okay Esca, you take it.  I’ll be fine.”

Esca frowned as Marcus carefully and quietly shut the door, shrouding the whole room in an almost complete darkness.  The only light was the light of the city outside the window, still wide-awake.

Esca felt his eyelids getting heavy.  The food, the fun, and now the comfort all worked together to wear down his defenses and soon Esca was in a deep, content sleep.

When he awoke in the morning, hushed voices in the living room caused all those defenses to raise again full force.  Esca quickly dressed, prepared for the worst, whatever that was.  He approached the door and opened it slowly and slightly.

 

*~*~*

 

“I can make you five thousand dollars,” Harvey started.  “Gotcha interested, huh?”

Marcus buried his face in his palms.  He was too tired.  Fighting was beginning to take its toll.  Each fight was his last fight.  He’d said it before and he’d say it again.  Harvey knew that, but as Harvey does, he ignored it.  Marcus was his best fighter, he made him a lot of money.

Marcus knew that Harvey’s intentions were self-serving, but the money was really convincing.  He really could use the cash.  A tiny bit of movement behind Harvey’s right side made Marcus look up.  It was Esca standing silently in the doorway of the room, door cracked so he could spy on the proceedings in the living room.

Seeing Esca made him think of something.  He hardly knew Esca, but something about that kid really clicked with him.  He made him want to be a better person.  He made him want to quit fighting even more.  But that nagging in his head gnawed at his strength.  Five thousand was a lot.  If he had the money, maybe he could really take care of Esca.  Maybe he could get Esca to give up having sex with strangers for money.

That is if Esca even wanted Marcus in the first place.

Esca just stared at the transaction, his gaze unreadable.  Marcus shook Harvey’s hand.  “I’ll do it.”

“Great,” Harvey smiled.  “I’ll text you later with the specifics.  Just keep your night open.”

Esca disappeared into the room when Harvey stood.  Marcus ushered Harvey out and shut the door, sighing with defeat as he made his way to his room.  He hoped Esca would stay.  Maybe just for breakfast.

He knocked softly.  It felt weird to knock on his own bedroom door.  “Esca?”

No answer.

Marcus carefully eased the door open.  Esca was just finishing making the bed.  “You don’t have to do that.”

Esca just shrugged.

“God knows I never do,” Marcus laughed.

Esca didn’t respond he just patted the pillows and made his way out of the room.

At the door to the apartment Esca squirmed uncomfortably before saying, “Thanks.”

“Stay for breakfast?”  Marcus tried as Esca simply opened the door and left.

 

*~*~*

 

Esca used the park to think.  It was sunny out.  He was officially eighteen; he didn’t really feel any different (except for a full stomach and being well rested).  The sun warmed his skin and Esca felt surprisingly at ease and comfortable.  Which in turn made him squirm and begin to feel less comfortable with each thought.

“Oh, it’s you,” a familiar voice said to Esca’s left.  He looked up and saw the Brit.

Esca just returned with a stare.  “You got some time?”  The Brit asked hopeful.

“Yeah,” Esca shrugged standing and walking with the Brit to one of their usual motels.  Pay-by-the-hour worked great for this sort of thing.

As the Brit hungrily began to strip Esca, Esca couldn’t help but imagine Marcus.  Imagine Marcus doing all these things to him.  It was such a wonderful idea, but there was no way the Brit could fulfill this entire fantasy.  All the Brit did was make Esca want Marcus even more.

After the Brit was spent and exhausted he laughed, “that was amazing!’  He was always so complimentary.  “How much do I own ya?”

Esca took his money and began to get dressed.  Marcus could understand doing things for money.  It was obvious from this morning that he’d been thinking twice about accepting tonight’s fight, but Esca couldn’t help but judge him when he did finally take it.  It was at this point, half-naked in a pay-by-the-hour motel, that Esca realized he was no different.


	4. Fight-Night

_Inside my mind everything’s in its place… it’s normal… everything’s A-Okay._

 

Esca shivered, sick with worry.  It was still early in the evening.  Chances were Marcus’s fight hadn’t even started yet.  Esca had thought sleeping the night at Marcus’s place would help him get over the attraction, but now things were worse than ever. 

Esca would stay awake until he knew Marcus was home.  The abandoned floor wasn’t good enough to spy from.  He had to see Marcus get home, so he chose the perch across from Marcus’s apartment, despite the fact that it was so uncomfortable.

Esca passed the time by imagining pictures.  He used to pass the time by remembering his mom.  Calling upon random happy memories.  As the memories faded, he began to remember less and less and began to suspect that he was making them up.  This scared him more than anything.  He didn’t want to lose her.  Not again.

So he stopped thinking about her, preserving what memories he had of her and trying not to remember any other.  Instead now he made up situations and images.  Calling upon the world around him, Esca painted scenes of people, interactions, beautiful colors, and wonderful places. 

It was amazing what he could do with just his mind.  Sometimes, in the dead of winter, he could make himself feel so warm he’d almost take off his jacket.  Almost.

Movement at the door of Marcus’s apartment building yanked him out of his imaginary world.  Marcus had just stepped in the front door.  Esca hadn’t really seen him so he waited until Marcus appeared in his apartment.  It was taking longer than usual.

Esca felt a twinge of worry, like a knot in his throat.  Suddenly the front door to Marcus’s apartment opened and he hobbled in.  He collapsed on his couch apparently in a great deal of pain.

From the evening before Esca was now able to tell if Marcus was faking or not.  Before, everything had been perfectly timed and his limp had been exaggerated.  Esca could tell this was different.  Instead of the exaggerated limp, Marcus more like dragged himself along. 

Esca’s fear confirmed he knew he had to make sure Marcus was okay.  Jumping down the fire escape, faster than he probably should Esca bounded along and up Marcus’s front steps. 

Esca prayed the door was unlocked as the twisted the handle and threw it open.  Marcus was lying pathetically on the couch. 

“Hey,” he groaned.  “You checking up on me?”  Esca flushed with embarrassment, as he hadn’t thought about how strange it might be that he was watching Marcus.  “Ah, naw that’s all right,” Marcus said as if reading his mind.

“Are you hurt?”  Esca asked, a little breathless from the run.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Marcus winced as he tried to sit himself up a little.  “Nothing that I haven’t ALREADY handled.  You should see the other guy!”

Esca wasn’t convinced but he was going to let it slide.  He was already judging Marcus.  Despite having already admitted to himself that he was no different, Esca couldn’t help but feel like Marcus was an idiot and needed to stop.  But when he thought about why he should stop, the only reason he could give was himself.  Marcus had been nice, but he had not led Esca to believe that he was that important to him.

Or had he?

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus was ashamed.  Ashamed that he had done it again.  He’d sworn to not fight and again he’d gone out and done just that.  It was a part of him.  It had been his entire existence since he was fifteen.  How was he supposed to just let it go? 

“Are you mad at me?”  Marcus asked with that puppy dog look and pitiful voice that always caused people to melt.

Esca shook his head, though he seemed unfazed by Marcus’s play.  He also seemed like his response had been a bit of a lie.

“I was just worried,” Esca said after a few more moments.  Then he blushed as he thought about what he’d said.

“Well thank you for worrying,” Marcus said. 

“I’m gonna go,” Esca said quietly after a few more moments of silent staring.

“Please… don’t,” Marcus managed.  “Stay again.  Please?”

Marcus could tell Esca did not want to stay.  He could tell that Esca was afraid of being a burden and afraid of relying on Marcus too much.  He could also tell that the prospect of a warm bed was extraordinarily inviting.  That wasn’t hard considering Esca’s other options.

“I don’t…” Esca started.

“Please,” Marcus interrupted.  It was strange interrupting Esca.  Marcus always wanted to hear him speak, but not if he was going to say something Marcus did not want to hear.

Esca had already resigned to staying.  Marcus could tell.  They spent the rest of the evening in communal silence.  Marcus splayed out on the couch and Esca bent up in what could not possibly be a comfortable position in the love seat. 

“Do you have any hobbies?”  Marcus chuckled at his own stupid question.

“No,” Esca shrugged.

“Nothing you like doing just for you?”

“No time.  No money.”

Marcus nodded and frowned. 

“I like paintings.  Drawings you know?”  Esca said.  “But I don’t know if I’d be any good.”

Marcus smiled.  “I bet you’re fucking fantastic.”

 

*~*~*

 

Esca blushed and smiled.  He really had no idea.  It had been a long time since he’d drawn.  His mother had always pressured him to do it.  She saw how much he liked it, and she always loved hanging his pictures up.  Not just on the fridge.  They’d be in the bedroom, bathroom, living room, and everywhere else.  His father had taken them down after she died.

“Maybe we should hit the hay,” Marcus suggested.  He got a little cozier on the couch and closed his eyes.  “I’m assuming you remember where my room is?”

“Please, don’t sleep on the couch again,” Esca pleaded.

“I’m okay.”

Esca sighed.  “I’m warning you.  You sleep in the bed tonight.”

“Warning me?”  Marcus laughed. 

Esca gave him a mischievous smile.  It was an expression Marcus hadn’t seen yet, but then again, Marcus didn’t know how tricky Esca could be. 

Esca walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and filled it with water.  He figured this could be his payback for the trick Marcus had played the other day.

When he got back into the living room Marcus was pretending to be asleep.  There was no way he’d actually fallen asleep that quickly.  Esca cupped his hand and lifted out a palm-full of water and splashed it on Marcus.

“AHH!”  Marcus yelped indignantly. 

Esca quickly grabbed another and hurtled it at Marcus.

“Ah!  Okay okay!  Stop please!”  Marcus was laughing.  “Fine you freak!” 

Esca frowned. 

Marcus sobered.  “Sorry… I didn’t mean that.  You’re not a freak.”

Esca couldn’t hold his fake frown much longer so he expertly grabbed another palm of water and tossed it, returning to his laughing. 

“You’re the worst!”  Marcus laughed.  “I’ll go to the bedroom, just help me up.”

Esca placed the glass on the coffee table and took Marcus’s outstretched hand.  He was heavy, but together they got him up and Esca was able to guide him into the bedroom.  Esca moved the blankets before placing Marcus on the bed.  He grabbed at Marcus’s windbreaker pants and began to pull them down.

Marcus let out another yelp, grabbing the pants before they went any further.  “What are you doing?”

“You sleep in your clothes?”  Esca said like it was the strangest thing in the world.  Esca slept in his clothes when he was out in the cold, but in a bed it was much more comfortable to sleep in his boxers.

“Well… no…” Marcus shrugged. 

Esca continued trying to make it clear he wasn’t going to try anything else.  Marcus groaned as he moved his arms and pathetically pulled at his wife beater.  Esca help him pull it over his head and soon Marcus was in only his boxers.  Esca couldn’t help but stare for a moment before grabbing the blankets and pulling them over Marcus.

Esca could feel himself getting excited at seeing the almost naked form.  Marcus cleared his throat nervously.  “Not to be weird, but you can sleep in the bed too.  I promise, I won’t try anything.”

“Are you even gay?”  Esca said pulling off his shirt and shucking his pants.

“Yes.”

Oh.  Esca froze.  That was unexpected.  After his first attempt at having sex with Marcus, Esca had just assumed he was straight.

Now standing awkwardly in only his boxers, Esca couldn’t figure out what to do.  Instantly he felt too nervous to get in the bed. 

“What about that girl?”  Esca asked.

Marcus had to rake his mind a bit before realizing whom Esca was talking about.  “Cottia?  She’s a friend… how do you know about her?”

Esca flushed scarlet, he hated being caught by Marcus, which was beginning to happen a lot.  Esca was not the sneaking, stalking mastermind he thought he was.

Marcus sat up and softly grasped Esca’s hand.  “It’s okay, Esca.”

Esca’s breathing sped as Marcus’s skin made contact with his.  What had been only a slight hardening before was beginning to be very noticeable now that Esca was no longer wearing his jeans. 

He didn’t like feeling trapped, and Marcus grabbing his hand was making him feel just that.  But there was warmth, warmth emanating from Marcus’s palm that made Esca feel safe.  It was time for Esca to make a decision.

In order for Marcus to not see Esca’s entire hard manhood he quickly jumped into the bed and rolled on his side so he was facing away from Marcus. 

Marcus sighed.  He was probably trying to decide whether Esca’s position in the bed was ultimately a victory or a defeat.

“I want to go to bed with you more than anything,” Esca said in a hushed whisper.  If Marcus was awake and heard, he didn’t respond.  Esca didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus awoke with a start.  There was a sharp pain in his leg as he realized he’d just been kicked.  He looked to his side and saw that Esca was thrashing in his sleep. 

“Esca,” Marcus whispered afraid to and yet wanting to wake Esca up.  “Esca, it’s okay.”  He placed both hands on Esca’s shoulders and pressed slightly to ease him into the bed.  “It’s okay.  It’s all going to be okay.”

Esca seemed to calm a little.  There was a fair amount of movement on the other side of his eyelids.  Marcus laid back down, closer to Esca this time.  Tentatively he placed an arm around him and pulled him close, hoping the warmth of his body would help calm Esca’s dreams.

Esca’s movements calmed and he eased into Marcus’s body, welcoming the contact.  Marcus flushed, feeling guilty of seemingly taking advantage of him in his sleep and being aroused by the closeness. 

However soon enough Marcus fell back asleep and the two spent the rest of the night in the tight embrace.

 

*~*~*

 

When Esca awoke early the next morning, the first thing he noticed was that he was completely and utterly trapped.  As his breathing hitched and his pulsed raced he took a moment to observe his surroundings.  Marcus’s room, Marcus’s bed… Marcus’s arm?

Esca realized that during the night they must have moved in their sleep closer.  It was not a crime to accidentally grab something while you sleep.  Marcus just happened to grab Esca, at least, that’s what Esca believed.  Because he wouldn’t allow himself to believe that Marcus had chosen to hold Esca and care for him.  That would be absurd.

Esca wondered if he could get out of Marcus’s embrace without waking him.  The Giant’s snoring was a clue that he was probably a heavy sleeper.  Esca softly lifted Marcus’s arm and he eased himself out of the bed.

Padding barefoot on the floor, Esca quickly gathered his belongings and began dressing.  He couldn’t bring himself to look at Marcus for fear he’d long to stay with him.  This could not become a habit.  Not unless Marcus became one of Esca’s Johns and at this point Esca didn’t think he could handle that.

As Esca went to open the door he against his better judgment looked back.  Marcus was sitting up in the bed, with half closed eyes and a smirk on his face.  Esca groaned as he’d been caught.

“Leaving?”  Marcus was such an ass.

“I have to go,” Esca said opening the door.

“Stay for breakfast,” Marcus tried again.

“Sorry,” Esca said and he closed the door and nearly ran out of the apartment.

This was too much.  Two nights in a row was too much for Esca and this had to stop.  It just had to.

Despite having told Marcus he wasn’t hungry, Esca was starving.  Using the money he’d made from his run in with the Brit in the park, Esca headed over to the New York Minute.

“Hey,” Jolie said as Esca entered the shop.

“Hey,” Esca smiled.  “Dontcha work nights?”

“I do,” Jolie smiled.  “I get off in five.  You’re early.”

“Oh wow,” Esca chuckled.  It was only five in the morning.  No wonder it was still so dark outside.  “Coffee and a muffin.”

“What kind?”

“Chocolate chip,” Esca smiled.  This was a treat.

“Nice choice,” Jolie grabbed his muffin and began preparing the coffee.  Two more workers came rushing in behind the counter. 

“Hey Jolie,” they both said breathless. 

Esca gave them a strange look.  Why were they so freaked?  Then it happened, the whole place became flooded with people.  It seemed in the five to six hour, this coffee shop did most of its business.  Likely the masses on their way to work.

Esca watched in wonder from the single couch he’d managed to sit at before the rush.  Jolie waved as she left the shop, obviously exhausted from working all night.

Esca watched the people coming and going.  He watched the tons of faces.  Then like a nightmare striking, he saw a face that he recognized.  Esca felt his blood chill and a sweat break out as he made eye contact with High Roller. 

He’d been seen, no doubt about it.  Esca darted out of the shop and quickly ran with his bag and his half empty coffee.  He’d already devoured the muffin. 

He couldn’t look behind him, he didn’t want to know if High Roller was following him.  So he ran.  He didn’t know where to go, the closest place to the shop happened to be Marcus’s apartment.  Once there, Esca didn’t think, he just ran up the stairs and barged into Marcus’s still unlocked apartment.

Later Esca would talk to Marcus about safety and the dangers of living in New York City.

“What’s wrong?”  Marcus asked immediately once he saw the terrified look on Esca’s face.  Esca didn’t seem to notice that Marcus was still only wearing boxers.  Instead he ran to the window and looked out. 

He thought he saw High Roller turn the corner that led back to the coffee shop, but he couldn’t be sure.  All he knew was that he wasn’t out there now, and in Marcus’s apartment, with him so close, he felt safe.


	5. Colors

_It’s hard to feel safe when you don’t have four of your own walls surrounding you._

 

“Esca please,” Marcus pleaded again.  “Please talk to me.  What’s wrong?”

Esca just sat silently shivering, despite the blanket Marcus had wrapped around him.  Marcus sat down next to him, but Esca shied away from the contact.  Marcus had entertained the idea of wrapping his own arms around Esca, but if Esca reacted that way simply to him sitting next to him, holding him was a bad idea.

After an hour of this Marcus just couldn’t take it any more.  Grabbing his cellphone he walked into the kitchen for a measure of privacy.  “Cottia,” he said when she picked up.  “I really need you right now.”

“ _Is everything okay?_ ”

“Can you come over?”

“ _Yeah Marcus, I’ll be there in a sec_.”  She sounded really worried, Marcus didn’t blame her.  He’d likely woken her up and that would have been a strange call to get first thing in the morning.

When she knocked on the door Esca flinched and shivered more.  He shook his head violently as if pleading for Marcus not to answer the door.

“Just a minute!”  Marcus said.  He eased Esca off the couch and led him into the bedroom, shutting the door so the living room was empty and Esca was separated from the front door.

Marcus opened the door to find Cottia, dressed and looking anything but just awoken.

“Hi,” he frowned.

“What’s wrong?”  She said barging into the apartment.

“I have to tell you something…” Marcus began.  “I…” he sighed wondering where to start.  So he’d start from the beginning.  Luckily Cottia already knew he was gay, that little speed bump would have been a hard one to get over so early in the morning.

Marcus explained meeting Esca, told her of his little trick, and mentioned the night before.  He mentioned the nightmare, holding Esca, and the frightened Esca that had barged in only an hour after having left this morning.

“So he’s still here?”  She asked.  She’d kept a blank expression throughout Marcus’s entire tale.

“Yeah,” he sighed.  “In my bedroom.”

Marcus tentatively knocked on the bedroom door.  “Esca?”  He called out.  He wasn’t surprised that he didn’t get a response.  He slowly opened the door to find Esca sitting on the bed, in the same position with the blanket wrapped around him.

Esca didn’t look up, though by the way he tensed Marcus figured he noticed that there was someone other than Marcus entering as well.

“Esca?”  Cottia said with her therapist voice.  “Esca is everything okay?”

Esca stayed staring at the floor.  Cottia kneeled and put herself within his path of sight.  “Can you leave us alone for a second?”  Cottia asked Marcus. 

Marcus looked at Esca for confirmation.  Esca returned his look.  It seemed he was okay with being alone with her.  Marcus’s heart fell a bit.  He’d hoped to stay, he didn’t like leaving Esca.

 

*~*~*

 

“I’m not going to treat you like a kid,” the kind lady said after having not succeeded in getting Esca to talk.  She was about the same age as Marcus and she really was nice.  Esca just had no intention of speaking.  He hadn’t even spoken to Marcus.

“So here’s the deal,” she began.  Her voice no longer had that nice, sweet tone, but it wasn’t angry either.  “I think you’re fine, but just so you know.  If you hurt Marcus in any way, for fucks sake I will rip you limb from limb.”  Her tone had shifted entirely, the threat entirely too real.

Esca stared in horror, “I would never…”

“Good,” she smiled, returning to the borderline overly sweet style.  “Despite my last threat, I really am a nice person.  And you can always talk to me if you need to.  Here’s my card.”  She flipped him a cream colored card.  “Anytime, day or night.  Marcus really cares about you and so do I.”

Esca nodded.  “Thanks.”

“What part of England are you from?”

“Durham County,” Esca replied.

“Nice.  I have no idea where that is,” she laughed.  Esca smiled a bit too.  “I’m going to go talk to Marcus for a bit.”

Esca nodded.  She sounded like his therapist from a few years ago.  She used to say things like “I’m going to go talk to your dad for a bit.”  Esca didn’t hate this one so much.  She was nice, despite that earlier threat.

 

*~*~*

 

“Can we talk?”  Cottia she motioned out the front door.  Marcus and her headed up the stairs to the next floor.  That way Marcus could still see the door and yet they’d be out of earshot. 

“Marcus…” Cottia sighed.  “Esca is… he’s got some issues.”

“No, he’s just shy,” Marcus denied.

“Marcus…”

“No, you don’t understand.  That’s just how he is at first.”

“Marcus, you have to trust me,” Cottia started.  “Esca…”

“You think I don’t know he’s not normal?”  Marcus looked away from Cottia.  “You think I need you to tell me he’s not normal?”

Marcus turned away and pushed the door open before landing three hard punches on the bulletproof glass reading EXIT.

“Marcus,” Cottia weakly called after him.  She wasn’t experienced enough for this.  They’d talked about it in the classroom, but she’d never really talked to somebody who loves someone so much they refuse to listen.  She was crying but she understood.  The thing that brought her the most sadness was that she now realized Marcus really loved Esca… and he didn’t love her.

 

*~*~*

 

It had been a quiet day.  Esca had stopped shivering.  He didn’t seem scared by his own shadow any more.  Marcus took that as a victory.  At four thirty Marcus had a great idea.

“Hey, let’s do something,” Marcus flashed a smile.

“Do what?”

“It’s a surprise.  Do you trust me?”  Marcus extended a hand.

Esca nodded and grabbed the hand without much thought.  Marcus guided him out of the apartment, with a slight whimper of protest, but not too much. 

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus walked fast because of his large legs, Esca found he had to really walk with purpose to keep up.  Maybe if they walked together more Esca would tell the Giant to slow the fuck down.

Marcus hadn’t said where they were going, but the subway had taken them into the ritzy part of the city.  Esca was excited, this trip was going to be classy.  Esca looked up at the huge building Marcus had brought them to.  Metal letters spelling MoMA stuck out sideways.

“Moma?”  Esca raised an eyebrow.

“Museum of Modern Art,” Marcus smiled.

Esca felt his breath stop.  Like he’d been punched in the stomach, but in a good way… if that was possible.  Marcus was so excited, so sweet and shining with pride that he’d thought of it. 

“Sorry sir, we’re closing in fifteen minutes,” the security guard said as Marcus and Esca tried to enter.

“What?”  Marcus was getting angry and Esca was getting nervous.

“I can’t let you in.”

“Come on man, you gotta let us in.  Just for a minute.”

“Sorry sir, museum policy.”

Esca frowned, he didn’t want to make Marcus feel bad, but it was a disappointment to not be able to get in. 

“Aw what the hell, just make it quick,” the security guard said smiling as he saw Esca’s disappointment. 

Marcus grabbed Esca and they bolted into the museum.  Running at full speed, even with Marcus’s limp, the two of them laughed as they charged through the museum.  Esca had never seen anything like it.  The paintings were huge and colorful and wonderful. 

“Oh man,” Marcus said staring at the drawing that had made Esca stop in his tracks.  It was beautiful.  Esca almost felt like the picture was asking him to cry.  Like pictures could make you do something, Esca shrugged.  They’re just fucking pictures.

“It says it’s called _The Start of the Rain_ ,” Marcus said reading the placard.  “It’s by Hernan Bas.”

Esca nodded, not really hearing what Marcus was saying.

_“The museum is closing in five minutes.  Please make your way to the front exit.”_

The two of them raced through as much as they could.  They were both winded by the time they reached the gift shop.

“Calm yourselves,” the security guard laughed.  “You made it.”

“Esca, wait here,” Marcus said.  He ran into the gift shop, which was smartly open fifteen minutes later than the museum itself. 

Esca was a little nervous being left on his own, but the security guard was close by.  And he seemed nice.

Marcus came out about five minutes later with a large roll for a poster and a large museum gift bag.  Esca tried to look at what Marcus had purchased, but Marcus pulled them out of his reach, “Later.”

 

*~*~*

 

Esca looked even more nervous than when he was simply walking in public.  For some reason sitting in a nice restaurant made him jumpy.  Marcus had asked twice if he wanted to leave, but he insisted they stay.

When the waiter came to take their drinks Esca ordered a coke.  Marcus could tell he liked it ever since he drank most of the two-liter bottle on his birthday.  Marcus got water, he needed to watch the sugar.

“Can I take your order?”  The waiter said after bringing their drinks. 

Esca motioned for Marcus to go first.  “I’ll take the steak, medium.  With a baked potato.”

“And for you sir?”  The waiter turned his attention to Esca.

Esca looked panicked.  He stared at Marcus, at a loss for what to order.  Marcus chuckled, “He’ll take the same, except steak fries instead of the potato.”  He raised an eyebrow to Esca as if to ask _is that all right?_

Esca nodded and the waiter was off.  Esca flushed with embarrassment at his stage fright.  “I don’t make decisions like that very well.”

“I get that,” Marcus shrugged.

“This food seems really expensive.  Is it okay that we’re eating here?”

“It’s fine, Esca.”

“I mean I know you just got five-tho…”

“It’s fine, Esca,” Marcus interrupted more sternly, mostly because he didn’t want to hear Esca mention the fight.

Esca returned to his normal silence and the two sat quietly.  Marcus stared at Esca a lot.  He wondered if Esca minded.  He couldn’t really help it.  When he looked at him, he got a broad smile on his face and just lit of with joy.  Esca had some sort of magical power over him.

“What?”  Esca shied from Marcus’s gaze.

“Nothing,” Marcus smiled again.

“So what’s in the bag?”

“Not yet,” Marcus wagged a finger.  “For when we get home.”

 _When we get home_.  Interesting choice of words.  Marcus made it sound like his apartment was THEIR home, when in fact Esca did not technically live with him.  Not that he’d fight it if Esca wanted to.

Esca began wolfing down his food.  His usual lack of manners rather boldly against the grain in the nicer restaurant.  Marcus laughed and gave Esca a signal to slow down, hoping the other patrons didn’t grow weary or angry from their obvious less cultured presence. 

Once they’d made it home, Esca seemed determined to find out what was in the bag.  He wasn’t acting conventionally excited, instead he seemed more annoyed that Marcus still wouldn’t tell him. 

Marcus pulled up the poster tube first.  “Open this,” he handed it to Esca.

Esca carefully popped the tube and slid out the two prints inside.  The first was a print of the drawing that had caused Esca to stop so suddenly.  _The Start of the Rain_ it was called.  The second made Esca laugh.  They’d past two drawings of the character Tin Tin. Though Esca had never heard of him, Marcus had commented that it made him think of Esca for some weird reason.  So he’d purchased the first of the two _Tin Tin_ drawings.

“I’m going to put the Tin Tin one up in my apartment.  You can have the rain one, or we can put it up here, which ever you prefer,” Marcus was pretty proud of this.  It was a litmus test.  If Esca said to put it up here, it could be a sign that he was planning on staying around more often.

“Here,” Esca smiled.  Marcus wondered if perhaps he saw through that particular plan.

 

*~*~*

 

Esca was so happy and he hadn’t even opened the bag yet.  This may have been the best gift he’d ever received.  Marcus handed him the bag. 

“Hope you like it,” he smiled.  “They’re your birthday present.”

Esca opened up the bag.  First he pulled out a large pad of sketch paper, then a professional level collection of colored pencils.  He breathed a sigh of awe as he opened them and saw the incredible array of colors.  Colors Esca couldn’t even imagine.  It was the palate for his imagination to come to life.

“Thank you,” Esca said with sincerity, though he was afraid he sounded bored.  He didn’t know how else to convey his gratitude.  He leapt up and grasped Marcus in a tight hug.  Sure it showed how thankful he was, but it also allowed him to hold him tight and breath in his smell.  Marcus smelled so good, so natural and neutral.  He didn’t smell like a concoction of cologne or perfume, and he didn’t smell like body odor.  He just smelled like a man.  He smelled like Marcus.

Then Esca realized that maybe it was creepy that he smelled him and he turned bright red hoping that Marcus hadn’t noticed. 

“Your welcome, Esca,” Marcus turned a little bashful, obviously relieved that Esca liked the gifts.

They were both pretty tired from the adventure.  Esca was a little worried about falling into a routine.  It was not like him to sleep regularly.  He yawned anyways and soon Marcus was ushering him into the bedroom.  They both brushed their teeth (Marcus had an extra toothbrush), and stripped for bed, neither looking at each other for fear of showing their mutual desires. 

Esca climbed into bed first and watched as Marcus followed suit.  “Hey Esca,” Marcus said turning over on his front and perching himself on his elbows. 

Esca turned his head and stared at Marcus.

“Thanks for going out with me tonight,” Marcus flashed a smile that nearly made Esca melt.

“Thanks for taking me out,” Esca said.  Or thought he said.  He wasn’t quite sure when the kiss happened, but it was either during Esca’s answer or just after.

Marcus placed a soft, caring kiss on Esca’s lips.  Nothing more.  Nothing too hot and bothering, to Esca’s chagrin.  Marcus looked into Esca’s eyes, prying for validation that he hadn’t crossed any lines.  Esca smiled and turned bright red.  He wanted more, so much more. 

Instead Marcus just said “Would you wanna, maybe do this again tomorrow night?”

Esca smirked and nodded slowly.

“Great because I sure do,” Marcus flashed one more smile and landed one more small kiss on Esca’s lips before cuddling up behind him and wrapping his arm around his torso.  Esca could handle the contact.  He could handle the feelings.  He could handle it all for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's The Start of the Rain from the MoMA exhibit: http://www.moma.org/collection/browse_results.php?criteria=O%3ADE%3AI%3A3%7CG%3AHI%3AE%3A1&page_number=100&template_id=1&sort_order=2
> 
> And here's one of the two Tin Tin drawings also at MoMA: http://www.moma.org/collection/browse_results.php?criteria=O%3ADE%3AI%3A3%7CG%3AHI%3AE%3A1&page_number=241&template_id=1&sort_order=2
> 
> I should add that I've never been, nor do I know anything about the visual arts. I just really liked both of those. Lol. And of course the Tin Tin stuff is a little nod to Jamie Bell's portrayal of that very character last year.


	6. Ruins

_The funny thing about being alone is that if you’re alone long enough, you don’t feel so lonely._

 

The next day Esca couldn’t wait to get to the art supplies and give them a try.  He took a shower first while Marcus still tried to wake himself up.  The warm water helped clear his senses and the feel of being clean helped clear his mind.

Once he was all fresh and exciting he laid out the sketchpad and closed his eyes.  His imagination flooded and he began to draw the lines he saw.  He couldn’t understand why Marcus thought this was difficult.  All he was doing was copying what was in his mind.  He only wished he could think up things like _The Start of the Rain_.

Marcus sleepily peeked through the door at Esca working.  He obviously hadn’t wanted to be caught, but Esca was always aware of his surroundings, even when he was with Marcus. 

Marcus blinked and disappeared allowing Esca to go back to his work uninterrupted.

 

*~*~*

 

 _Let’s talk_.  Harvey’s text made Marcus’s mood fall immediately.  He felt like he was sneaking around behind Esca’s back. 

Two hours later there was a knock at the door.  Marcus quickly answered it hoping Esca wouldn’t come looking to see who it was. 

“Hey Marcus,” Harvey said.  As Marcus shut the door behind them so they could talk in the hall rather than in the apartment. 

“Hey,” Marcus replied trying to sound nonchalant.

“You got a girl in there?”  Harvey cracked a knowing smile.  “You dog!”

“What is it?”  Marcus ignored him.

“They want you for another fight.  It’s tonight, you got this one,” Harvey playfully punched the air.

“Sorry, can’t.”

“Can’t?”

“Yeah.  I can’t go to a fight tonight?”

“Why cause of some bitch?”  Harvey swatted the air. 

Marcus clenched his fists trying not to break Harvey’s skull.  No one talks about Esca that way.

“Listen, it’s another five grand.”

Marcus eased a little.  During the night Marcus had thought about a lot of things.  It had taken a long while for him to fall asleep.  One of those things was Esca’s future.  Marcus had an interview tomorrow to become a janitor.  He didn’t want Esca to have the same future.  Maybe he was an amazing artist.  Maybe he’d want to go to college.  Marcus began to fantasize about being able to pay for Esca’s schooling.  Maybe that would convince Esca he’s worthy of his love.

Another five grand would really help.  He knew Cottia would scream at him if she saw this happening, but they hadn’t spoken since her little home visit.  Marcus made a mental note to call her.  It was unfair for him to ask her to come then yell at her for her opinion. 

“Okay.  When is it?”  Marcus sighed.

“Great.  Tonight, ten.  The Warehouse.”

Marcus nodded and Harvey bounded down the stairs at the prospect of the hefty commission he’d get when Marcus won.  Marcus knew he’d win.  That was never the question.  He always won.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus peeked in again a few hours later.  Esca hadn’t really noticed the time go by.  But the drawing had really taken shaped and was turning out exactly as he imagined. 

Marcus looked worried, he swallowed and Esca instantly felt nervous.  In an effort to dispel the nervous tension, Esca held up the paper.  “You want to see it?”

Marcus put on a very fake smile as he opened the door all the way and walked in.  The fake smile faded and was replaced by sheer awe.  Marcus seemed to only be able to stare at Esca’s artwork in wonder.  It was beautiful.  Long, dirty blonde locks of hair on a strikingly beautiful woman.  Marcus felt he didn’t have to ask whom she was, but he figured he would to sound more interested.

“It’s me mum,” Esca shrugged.

“She’s beautiful.”

“She was,” Esca nodded.

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus swallowed.  Oh.  She WAS.  Marcus should’ve figured she was dead, but he didn’t want to make assumptions before Esca opened up to him.

“Hey Esca…” Marcus swallowed.  “About tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Can we postpone it to tomorrow?”  Marcus flinched.

Esca looked down at the desk.  “Yeah,” his answer was entirely unreadable.

“I’m really sorry, you can stay here, I just have to go out for a bit.”

“Okay,” Esca replied, still unreadable. 

“Okay cool.  I’m going to head out,” Marcus said without thinking.  He didn’t have to leave, but he couldn’t stand being around Esca with him seemingly so judging.  Marcus couldn’t comprehend how much of the judgment was legitimate and how much he was making up in his head.

“Okay.”

Marcus sighed and grabbed his gym bag as he left the apartment.  He locked it behind him so Esca would be safe inside.  He hoped Esca wouldn’t leave.  He had to pray that when he got back tonight Esca would still be there.  Waiting for him.

 

*~*~*

 

Esca didn’t fell like drawing after that.  The picture of his mother was pretty much finished.  He looked at it for a good long time.  He hadn’t really realized he was going to draw her.  He’d just thought up a picture in his head, and once his hand started moving her realized it was her.  Maybe this was the key to preserving those elusive memories that threatened to leave him at any moment.

None of it really seemed to matter now, because now Marcus was gone and Esca felt cold and alone.  After his run in with High Roller the last time he’d left Marcus’s apartment alone, Esca knew not to leave, but he didn’t feel as happy and safe as he did before when he knew Marcus was in the other room.

Esca sighed and rubbed his hand on the table aimlessly.  He could only hope that Marcus came home in one piece.  Now alone Esca began to thing, perhaps overthink.  He looked at the walls.  See the prints taped to the wall, his pencils scatter about the table and his sketchpad.  He’d nearly moved in.  Maybe he’d overstayed his welcome.  Maybe this was a sign from Marcus that Esca was supposed to get out. 

Esca felt a sort of panic attack taking over as he began to juggle the options of facing the outside world and possibly High Roller again and idea of simply staying in the apartment.  What if he ran into the Brit?  Esca shuttered, he didn’t want to be with the Brit any more.  He simply just didn’t want to do it anymore!

 

*~*~*

 

Marcus sighed as he took the final flight of steps back to his apartment.  He was exhausted, though it’d been an easy fight.  In the reflection of storefront windows on his walk home Marcus could see he had a split on the bridge of his nose and a pretty nasty black eye, but that was about it.

He unlocked the front door and pushed it open, praying Esca was still there.

“Hello?”

Esca didn’t reply.  He was standing in the living room, seemingly distraught.

“What’s wrong?”  Marcus walked closer to Esca, but he shied away immediately. 

Esca gave him a tearful glare that was laced with distain.

“What do you want from me?”  Marcus said, his voice low and his temper rising.  “You want me to quit?”

Esca began to cry silently standing without answering.

“What do you want?!  Huh?!”  Marcus was beginning to yell.  “Just tell me what you want!”  Marcus kicked the wooden chair in his living room causing it to clatter across the floor.

Esca flinched at the outburst but stayed silent.  It was as if he simply couldn’t speak.  It was like that night Marcus had hit that asshole in the suit and scared Esca too much to say anything.

Marcus took a deep breath saying, “the last thing I want to do is upset you.  And I’m trying to figure out what the right thing to do is and I don’t know what that is.”

Esca still couldn’t answer.

“Just…” Marcus took another deep breath.  “Just please don’t leave.  Not yet.”

“Why do you do it?”  Esca managed between quiet sobs.

“Why do I do it?”  Marcus laughed at the question.  Why else would he do it?  “I do it for you!”

“What?”

“I do it so you don’t have to fucking whore yourself out every night.  So you don’t have to get fucked by assholes in fucking suits!”

Esca’s sadness melted away, replaced by anger and rage.  Marcus had crossed the line.

Marcus instantly regretted saying it, but it was already out in the open and there was no taking it back now. 

“Esca…” Marcus tried.  It was no use, Esca was already leaving.  It seemed he didn’t care about the art supplies.  He was only grabbing his backpack and he was gone. 

Marcus kicked the wall.  “Damn it!” 

 

*~*~*

 

Once outside Esca was scared, more scared than he’d ever been in his life.  He’d grown to trust Marcus in their short amount of time together.  Esca had gotten used to the safety and even had become comfortable with asking for help. 

Help.  Help, he needed to ask for help.  With Marcus out of the picture Esca only had one person he could trust.  He fished in his pocket, it had to be there.  He yanked the cream colored card out of his pants and found the nearest payphone.  Using some change he’d received during his last visit to the New York Minute, Esca placed a single call.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Cottia?”

“ _Who is this?_ ”

“It’s Esca.”

“ _Esca!  What’s wrong?_ ”

“I need your help.”

“ _Hold on, I’ll be right there.  Where are you calling from?_ ”

Esca told her the New York Minute though that wasn’t entirely true.  It was close enough that he’d make it there before she did, but Esca was afraid of running into High Roller, so he’d get to a vantage point where he could hide but still see when Cottia got there. 

Once in his position, Esca saw some dark red mud on the ground by his shoe.  In an effort to camouflage himself more, he angrily painted his face with the mud.  It wouldn’t actually camouflage anything, but it felt good to look like something else rather than be Esca at a time like this.

 

*~*~*

 

“ _I’m only calling you because I trust you_.”

“I know.  I just…” Marcus sighed.  “I said some things… not nice things.  I was just angry.”

“ _Let’s let him cool off.  He’ll stay at my place tonight, maybe he’ll be calmer in the morning.  I’m about to go pick him up.  Talk to you later_.”

“Bye,” Marcus said as he hung up the phone.  Cottia was an amazing friend.  Marcus whished he could be half the person she was. 

His phone began to ring again.  Marcus looked at the ID.  He groaned. “Hello?”

“ _Hey Marcus_.”

“Hi Harvey.”

“ _I’m about to make you an offer you can’t refuse_.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“ _Fifteen thousand and it’s your last fight ever._ ”

The money was incredible, but the second half was even better sounding.  “What?”

“ _It’s being billed as your last fight.  Big names, lots of money.  It’s going to be awesome_.”

“When?”

“ _Tomorrow._ ”

“Shit Harvey, I just fought today!”

“ _That’s just a part of the gig._ ”

Marcus thought for a moment.

“ _Come on!  Tell me you’re in!_ ”

Marcus shook his head, “I’m in.”

 

*~*~*

 

Esca was silent, Cottia didn’t try to make him speak, she assumed if he had something to say, he’d say it.  She just sat at the table reading over some cases while he sat in front of the TV not really watching.

Apparently her roommate had moved out last month and the new one wasn’t due in for a few weeks, so there was an extra bed, which Cottia had outfitted with her second pair of sheets and a few extraneous blankets.  Esca wasn’t tired, but he wanted to be in the bed and away from her watchful eye, so he made a show of being tired and made his way to the bedroom.

He got under the covers with out stripping out of his clothes.  He needed to be ready if he was to make a quick run for it for whatever reason. 

He could hear movement on the other side of the door, as Cottia got ready for bed.  She turned out the living room lights and shut her bedroom door.  Esca sighed with relief.  He was really glad she hadn’t pried tonight.  He didn’t know if he could handle talking about Marcus.

Lying in bed Esca wondered about the past few days.  They’d been wildly eventful.  More exciting than most he could remember.  So much had happened, fantastic ups and terrible downs.  He kept asking himself, were the ups worth the downs.  In his current position, huddle under foreign blankets with his jeans, shirt, and jacket on he’d decided they were worth it.  They were worth it as long as there was another up on the horizon.  As long as when the sun sets at night, it promises in a final whisper that it will be back come morning.


	7. Retribution

_Fear, that thing that seemed to have kept me alive so many dark, cold days on the street, could be the end of me._

 

_He wants to talk to you_.  Cottia texted Marcus.

Marcus groaned as he read it.  That was good.  He was glad Esca wanted to talk, but he needed a little more time.  One more fight and all their problems would be solved.  He was at the park, the place where he’d first spotted Esca.  It was strange being back.  The sun was out like it had been that day, but it seemed in the distance a storm was threatening.

Marcus figured if he ignored the texts he could buy himself a little more time.  Perhaps just the amount he needed.

He flipped his phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket.  He took a deep breath, letting the air fill his body.  He was hoping to replenish it as best he could for tonight.

The fight the night before had been easy.  A piece of cake.  Strangely so in fact, he hadn’t had such an easy fight in a long time.  Still, Marcus had to focus on let his body recuperate as fast as it could so he’d be ready for tonight.

Tonight was the night.  The last fight and he could quit.  Maybe, if Esca would talk to him, he could do something nice.  They could move, get a nicer place, he could get a job.  A job… he missed the interview.  Fuck.  Cottia was going to hate him.

Marcus shook his head clear.  All that mattered was winning the fight tonight.  He had to win the fight… for Esca.

 

*~*~*

 

Cottia fed Esca.  She was much better with food than Marcus, but Esca still missed meals with Marcus.  She gave him warming smiles now and then and he tried to return them.  However it seemed he was never successful, as she always seemed to frown when he thought he was smiling.

“Thank you,” Esca said as she prepared to leave for work.

“Of course, Esca,” Cottia replied.  “Any time.  Now I’m leaving, are you going to be okay here?”

Esca nodded.

“Okay, I’ll lock the door.  Don’t open for anyone, I’ll be back around seven.  I know I go in late, but I get out late too.”

Esca flashed what he thought was a smile.  Cottia frowned again…  nope. 

“Marcus has a key to this place so it’ll either be me or him coming through that door.”

Esca nodded again.  He’d be okay if Marcus came over.  He desperately wanted to see him again.

“See ya, Esca,” Cottia cheered as she ducked out of the apartment. 

The minute she left Esca crushed the lonely feeling rising up inside him.  He wasn’t going to allow it to take over.  Not again.  He could go to Marcus’s.  Marcus would likely be there, and if not, chances are his door would be unlocked.

Esca had to.  He opened Cottia’s front door twice before shutting it quickly.  Damn.  He was still nervous about going outside.

Let cooler minds prevail.  What are the chances that High Roller even saw where he was going when he ran from the New York Minute?  What are the chances that today would be the day he’d try to go there to get Esca?  What are the chances he even still gives a shit about Esca?

So the third time Esca opened the door he was able to walk right on out of the apartment.  He’d basically paid attention to how Cottia had driven them back to her apartment.  She didn’t live far from Marcus, though her apartment was much nicer. 

Esca felt good to be outside again.  The sun was shining, though he had that second sense that let him know there was a storm brewing.  When he looked at the sky he could see the dark clouds in the distance. 

Esca was beginning to feel like his old self again.  Like a mixture of the man he was before Marcus had found him and after.  Esca was feeling good.

 

*~*~*

 

Harvey seemed nervous.  “Hey Marcus.”

“Hey Harvey,” Marcus chuckled.

“What?”

“You’re nervous,” Marcus winked.

“Yeah, so what?”  Harvey got defensive.

“I got this.”

“I know you do, Marcus,” Harvey hung his head.

Maybe Marcus should have picked up on Harvey’s strange behavior, but he was already getting prepped for the fight.  Jumping up and down getting his blood flowing.  He’d seen his matchup and it was going to be easy.  Easy money.

They were in a run down school, the crowd made a noise circle and Marcus and the other guy faced off in the center.  He was very energetic and young.  What Marcus could no longer do in energy, he made up for with experience and brute strength. 

The other guy tried attacking from down low, which Marcus easily countered.  He hadn’t expected the guy to go for it again, tackling him low and pushing him across the makeshift circle of people. 

Marcus wanted to end this now.  He wanted to get his money, get out of the business, and go see Esca.  He had a lot of apologizing to do, and maybe Esca would listen someday.

Marcus landed a good punch on the side of the guy’s face.  He hadn’t even seen it coming.  Marcus barreled down, attack fast and strong.  He was done.  Marcus stood up, letting the adrenaline seep out slowly.  The guy would be fine, but he wouldn’t fight for a month or two.

The crowd cheered, some booed, Marcus didn’t care.  He went to go sit down, bleeding a little here and there.  Sitting he could think a little more clearly.  He was already thinking about how to apologize.

“Hey, good fight,” Harvey said sitting next to him.  Marcus flinched, he was still sounding nervous.

“What is it, Harvey?”

Harvey looked at the ground.  He seemed ashamed, scared, and something else, Marcus just couldn’t tell.

“Please don’t kill me,” Harvey cowered.  “Here’s your money.  It’s all there.”

“What is it, Harvey?”  Marcus almost growled this time as he snatched the money from the sleazy broker’s hands. 

“It’s that boy.”

“Boy?”  Marcus felt a pang of fear.

“The one in your place.”

“How do you know about him?”  Marcus was clenching his fist a bit too tight.

“This fight…” Harvey was seriously nervous now.  “This fight was all a set up.”

“What?”

“Some guy recognized you as a fighter.  He’s a big shot in the business and he saw you.  Apparently that boy was his and you stole him.  So he planned this whole fight to get him back.  When you didn’t let me in yesterday, I knew it was true and I told them someone was there.  And when you didn’t bring him to the fight last night, we knew that you’d leave him alone at home.”

Marcus slammed Harvey against the wall.  “I’m going to fucking kill you!”  Marcus threw him to the ground.  He couldn’t bother with Harvey now.  He had to make sure Esca was okay. 

Marcus could only pray that Esca had stayed at Cottia’s.  Marcus wondered if he should go there first, but he decided against it.  He had to get home first just in case Esca had left.

 

*~*~*

 

Of course Marcus left his door open.  Esca chuckled a little.  They still needed to have that talk about apartment safety.  Esca clicked the lock behind him and stood in the room for a second.  It was nice being back in Marcus’s apartment.  Felt a bit like being home again.  The drawings hanging on the wall made Esca smile.

Esca blushed, he was going to forgive Marcus.  He had to.  Esca fell onto the couch, cozying up with a pillow under his head.  He wouldn’t sleep, but it was nice just being comfortable.

A few hours later there was a banging at the door.  Esca held his breath praying it’d go away.  There was no way it was Marcus.  It was too harsh, too angry.  Plus Marcus had a key, and if for some reason he didn’t, he would have called out to Esca.

Esca clenched the pillow hard.  The door began to rattle as the person on the other side threw themselves against it.  It was not a strong door.  It was going to break down.

Just as Esca thought that the door flew off its hinges on the third smash.  Esca stared in horror as High Roller adjusted his suit as if he hadn’t just broken down a door. 

“Hello there,” High Roller smirked.

Before Esca could get off the couch, he was on top of him, pressing his body hard into the cushions.

“No one says no to me,” High Roller pushed harder on Esca’s back causing him to cry out.  “And no one takes what belongs to me.”

He pulled on Esca’s hair causing Esca to cry out.  “And just so we’re clear, you belong to me.  I’m going to make that perfectly crystal tonight.”

His low grumble of a laugh caused Esca quiver with fear.  High Roller threw Esca’s head back into the cushions, before he began ripping at Esca’s jeans.  The button of the fly popped off as he tore them down hard.  Esca tried to wriggle free, but it was no use.  High Roller had him pinned.

“Come on.  Just relax.  It’s not like you haven’t felt it before,” he said with a darkly calm voice.  “I guess I’ll make it extra special tonight.”

“No,” Esca squeaked.

“Oh, don’t fight it,” High Roller laughed as he began to pull Esca’s shirt up.  Then he grabbed at the back of Esca’s boxers and pulled down hard, Exposing Esca’s entire backside.

“Perfect,” High Roller whispered in a harsh growl.

Esca could hear the metal clinging of High Roller’s belt being unbuckled. 

“GET THE FUCK OFF HIM!”  Esca and High Roller froze.  The interruption was too brief for either to react as Marcus threw himself at High Roller and yanked him off of Esca.

High Roller seemed unusually calm to be facing such an enraged Marcus.  Even Esca was scared and he was the one being saved.  Marcus was soaking wet from the downpour of rain outside.

“Your little whore boyfriend wanted it.  He loved it,” High Roller smiled. Marcus landed a hard punch to his face causing blood to spray.  Esca was sure he saw it this time.

High Roller smiled with blood pooling in his teeth.  He must be on some drugs because he didn’t seem fazed by the onslaught of Marcus’s fists.  Marcus pummeled the man out of his apartment. 

Esca watched as High Roller fell backwards down the apartment stairs and landed at the bottom in a pile of suit and blood. 

Marcus stared for a moment until both Esca and Marcus heard High Roller’s unmistakable groan.  He was alive, but he’d be out of commission for a good, long while.

“Esca,” Marcus said turning back to Esca.  His rage and anger seemed to be fading, but slowly as Esca could still see it on Marcus’s face.  It made him uncomfortable to see the anger and the rage.  It made him think of why he’d left.  It made him think of their fight.  And it made him think of Marcus’s fighting.  He was a fighter, a man who used his fists. 

“Esca?”  Marcus sounded more helpless now, as Esca hadn’t responded to his rescue. 

Esca stepped away from the angry Marcus.  The anger and rage completely filled out and was replaced by the old Marcus.  With watering eyes Marcus held out a hand. 

Esca wanted to smile but he thought of his smiles with Cottia and he didn’t want to make Marcus frown anymore.  So instead he ignored the outstretched hand and went straight for one of Marcus’s bear hugs.  The kind that Esca could get lost in.  The kind where Esca’s sense of smell was invaded by Marcus’s manly scent and Esca’s entire body could be enveloped in Marcus’s.  Esca didn’t mind that Marcus was so fucking wet.  He was still warm some how.

“I’m so sorry,” Marcus choked.  “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Esca replied.  He hadn’t realized he was crying too.

“I’m so sorry,” Marcus pleaded again as he held Esca close to him. “You’re just all that matters, okay.  You’re all that matters to me.”  He said tearfully.

Esca and the Giant stood that way for a long time, neither caring to break apart.  Had everything that had just happened not been so intense it would’ve been funny: a door just lying on the ground next to two men hugging and crying with another down a flight of stairs groaning in pain.  Okay not funny, Esca thought, but strange.  So strange.

 

*~*~*

 

“Esca,” Marcus said finally breaking off the hug.  “Esca I understand if you can’t forgive me.  But I swear, I swear that I will never…”

Esca placed a hand over Marcus’s mouth causing him to stop talking.  It seemed Esca just wanted some silence.  Removing his hand, Esca stared at Marcus for bit longer.  Marcus shifted uncomfortably in his gaze, not knowing whether or not he was forgiven.

The groaning at the bottom of the stairs had stopped, or Marcus had just started to ignore it, but in the silence and in the moment Esca and he were sharing, Marcus knew what he had to do.  He slowly lowered his head to Esca and their lips met.

It wasn’t anything super intense.  There’d be time for that later.  Marcus felt his heart pumping just as fast as the first time he’d kissed Esca.  He wondered if his heart would race like this every time.  He wouldn’t mind if it did.

Esca returned the kiss and he was glad for it.  He could feel Esca wanting more, but Marcus just couldn’t give it to him.  Not right now, so he pulled away and gave a weak smile instead.

Esca whimpered slightly as the lips left his too early.  “Esca?”  Marcus said staring into Esca’s beautiful eyes.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologizing,” Esca grumbled. 

“Sor…” Marcus stopped himself from apologizing once more.  Esca smiled at that.  They were going to be okay.

Marcus was so happy.  This was what Cottia had been talking about.  His hobby, his purpose, whatever the fuck it was called, it was Esca.


	8. Epilogue

_I never thought I’d love anyone like I loved my mum, and that turned out to be true, but the love I felt for this man was so different and so happy, that it let me remember my mum fondly and I no longer worried so much about forgetting the exact memories, because the memory of that love was all I needed._

 

Marcus was all sweaty.  He’d taken his shirt off while he’d been working and his muscles gleamed in the sunlight from the window.  Esca liked that.  He smiled as he watched Marcus step back from the door, examining his work proudly.  Esca knew Marcus could replace the door, but Marcus had doubted himself.  It was perfect.

“Well damn,” Marcus laughed.  “Would you look at that.”

“It looks great,” Esca smiled.  “Now you just need to learn to lock it when you leave.”

Marcus turned to Esca and shifted nervously.  He’d been acting like that all day.

“About that…” Marcus seemed to be having serious difficulty saying what he wanted to say.

Esca allowed the panic to surge through him.  This was the moment.  This was when Marcus was going to ask him to leave.  Esca didn’t know if he could take it.  He relied too much on Marcus now.  What was he going to do?

“I wanted to talk to you about this,” Marcus said motioning to the whole apartment.

Esca hung his head in shame.  He stared at the ground as he realized he’d overstayed his welcome.

“Hey, hey,” Marcus said pulling Esca’s chin up.  “I wanted to give you this.”

Esca stared into Marcus’s eyes a bit longer before looking down at his palm.  A single, metal key sat in his hand. 

“It’s a key to the new door.  I only left my door unlocked because I always wanted you to be able to get in.  Now you have your own… well assuming you want it,” Marcus blushed red as he realized he’d assumed a lot.

“I do,” Esca said quickly, before Marcus could take it back.

Marcus smiled a huge, proud smile.  Perhaps bigger than any Esca had seen on him.  “I love you,” Marcus said quietly.

Esca stared, even longer than before.  Marcus shifted nervously in his gaze.  Esca hadn’t quite expected that. 

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. I really did write this one fast. But that dang fan video is so good. I am in awe of bachaboska.


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